He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
My cat gives me a boner
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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