I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
