the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
