im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
