just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
