yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
