dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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