So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
look no pants
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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