I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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