i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I love having hate sex.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
