theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize