Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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