Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
