A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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