please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
