what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
bring money and cleavage
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
