mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
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