remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
