my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
