Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
it's like iHOP with fire
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Randomize
