here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
