mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
