I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
