oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
i out mim tonsoeep
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
