Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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