It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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