So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
