i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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