i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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