my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
