just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
barbara walters just said penis...
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
