i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
