i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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