my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
