you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Randomize
