I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
