We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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