I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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