Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
