Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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