I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
