K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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