being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
