if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Randomize
