"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
