Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Come see our sink grown plant.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Hello my rib-scented angel!
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
