But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
