I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
