So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
