Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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