He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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