He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Come see our sink grown plant.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
