Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
