She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
