Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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