I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize