omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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