Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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