I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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