dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
