Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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