Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
