I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
