covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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