So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
