Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
