I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I think weed is turning my hair brown
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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