My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
