I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize