he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize