I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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