She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Randomize
