i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
