That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Randomize
