I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize