3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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