There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
It's blow job season.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
