so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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