A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
