Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
