So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
