I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
