why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
