God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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