so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
