Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
