so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
