We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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